if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
