After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize