We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
