nutella sex= disaster
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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