I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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