are you so shy because you have an std?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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