im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
