I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
