I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize