By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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