he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
