just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
