ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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