I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Randomize
