All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize