guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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