Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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