someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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