I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize