Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
