he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
