My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
