He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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