shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
