On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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