if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
