I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
