When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's official drugs can't kill me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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