My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
