we have pet lesbian snakes
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
love makes seman taste better
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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