He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
