Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
