he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
