i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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