dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
