3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
