i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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