I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
