This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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