I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
