so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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