Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
