I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Drunk is not a location!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
