I haven't been this sober since birth.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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