John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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