hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
