I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
