Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
