What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
