Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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