her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
