i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
