Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize