if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
