I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
