I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
