I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
