Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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