I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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