somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Screwed.edu
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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