I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
