tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
