i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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