; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
