on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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