Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
