My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
