everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
