if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
