When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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