I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
