you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
