Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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