I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
