Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
