hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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