You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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