sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize