Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
