first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
