What did we do last night that was yellow?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
