I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hippo gnu deer
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
