She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize