oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
