I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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