Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
nutella sex= disaster
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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