I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
