i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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