I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
