walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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