There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
