no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
