dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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