pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
