I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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