forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
