The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
