Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
